Writing helps me feel better, like less crazy. Ever since our second date yesterday, I've been thinking that I am going home with him this Christmas. I don't know why I think this, it makes no sense, and its bordering on creepy. But none the less I have this thought firmly planted in my head. There are so many reasons why, this thought makes sense. I meet him not even a week ago, he's amazingly random, he actually acts his age.... I don't think I'm making this list the right way, or proving my point, or following any particular sentence structure, but still.
So yea, I've had this weird thought like glued in my head, and I don't know why and it makes me feel like one of those crazy I'm doodling your name in my notebook girls. Meh, I don't know. I do know I have a crap memory so I will write down date two before I forget. We met at my favorite Thai place, he chose lunch, but I got to chose the place. And we ate and talked and I didn't get any food stuck in my braces, I think, but I did accidentally throw a carrot on the floor. On a side note, how weird is it that when I decide to start legitimately date again after like, oh idk 2 years, it's when I have braces? Like really?!?!? Ok, back on track. So we talked for like an hour and a half and then he said he wanted ice cream so we walked, because I said it was only 2 blocks away, but really it was like 6 blocks away, and you know what, it didn't matter. It didn't matter, because the conversation was fun and being around him is fun, and I like slowly getting to know him. Then we ate our ice cream and walked back, and I had to go, because Becky had her house warming thing, and I wanted him to kiss me, but he didn't and I think I like that he didn't even more then if he had.
It's perfect, I'm kind of leaning back and letting him take the lead on it. It's weird too, because he is one of those good guys, so I can let him take the lead. I don't want to rush into anything, I don't want to do anything I will regret, and so it's really nice to go out with a guy that I don't have to fight off, I don't have to put up all these walls in anticipation of all the bad things he's going to do. Don't get me wrong there are still boundaries and I'm still really weary of things, but that's just how I am, and I've made so many, just bad decisions, I think I'm allowed to have a few walls. For now at least.
It's funny, because even though this is exactly what I want I still was second guessing myself last night. Like oh, he didn't kiss me so does that mean he's not interested? It's just crazy, because for so long a "relationship" "dating" meant that it was all physical, I showed that I liked a guy by being physical and vice versa. I told Seakly a few months back that the things I wanted to be friends with the next guy I dated, the guy I decided to be serious with. I wanted to be friends with him and I want us to be inclusive, not exclusive. While I want to have that close intimate relationship with someone I don't want it to be an island of just us, I want us to exist in the realm of other people.
I'm getting ahead of myself, but maybe that's the whole point of this post. I think meeting a guy that makes me think, what if, reminds me of all the things that I said I wanted, all the things I want.
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